The bad news, he's about to come back more stressed and under-pressure than he was when he left.
I don't really know what that means in terms of our relationship. Not like he snaps (at me) or neglects to give me attention or anything. It's just hard even conversing with someone when you can tell they're going through a mental 'to do' checklist in their mind. He's got an immaculate memory but would every so often forget trivial details I'd tell him. Or, it's awkward always putting forward the fact that I'm free at this time, on this day and for that long - granted, he always reacts quickly and says he'd love to see me..sometimes he'd seemingly forget so I'd have to ping discreetly to check if he remembers. At the same time I'd put off some things I'd like to say or share because we'd have plans later that day/week and then it'd no longer seem valid. He used to ask when I was free and would say he'd love to see me. Trivial I guess. Much of what I feel uneasy about could be deemed trivial.
He's busy, yeah okay, I know. I just.. I note seemingly the most little, unimportant yet nevertheless existent occurances or just details and collectively, they make me feel odd.
Insert sigh here. These upcoming few weeks are about to be difficult. I guess having had to abruptly change my habitual state of mind, it suddenly seems difficult to return to an 'only me, by myself' mindset. I got used to .. It doesn't matter. I'm not going through things I have never gone through before, quite the opposite. I have done all this before both with the endless support and limitless attention of my ex-fiance and/or friends as well as alone - it's much the same either way. I'm okay. I'll be okay.
Maybe I'm just sad? Lonely without a doubt. I need a friend and some moderately expensive alcohol.
I expected this. I knew if he took a week long break from his routine then when he came back, all the stress and things he has to get done simultaneously would pile onto him in full blown force. Why am I so surprised?
I really am just generally down I guess. Insert another sigh here.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5