I have to promise to myself:
- I'll stop psyching myself out;
- I'll categorically stop reading horror stories, about unthinkable factors that influence only 4-10% in extreme cases;
- I have to look forward to wonderful things, and more than anything, I have to actually believe that everything is going to be okay;
- Nobody is putting anything off, everything is going forth.. everyone involved wants this, plans are going to get made and executed;
- I am being paranoid if I believe that it's solely my decision/that I am the only one looking forward to this, that's not true;
- Everything is going to be fine.
- This time next year, I am hoping to look back at this, and laugh at myself, as I often do once time passes, because all my fears were illegitimate, and flat out made no sense.
February is about to come to an end.
In February of 2010, I was looking back at February 2009, in horror.
In February of 2011, I was looking back at February 2010, also in horror.. but in a much better place.
In February of 2012, I was looking back at all of 2011, and thinking how unjustified my fears were. How I could have spared myself a lot of pain and fear, just by believing that everything was going to be perfectly okay, just as I had been promised from the start.
It's February 2013, and I have never been happier in my life.. ever. I have to believe that whatever it is that seems so awfully terrifying now.. and casts a cloud over my happiness, I should simply discard. I need to believe that in February 2014.. I'll be even happier.
/end of this.